It's like wah. It's boring and satisfying and today, completely tiring. I got rollerblades and rolled alongside my mom while she ran. Except I was slower than her and had to grab onto her as I went down hills. Because I am that untalented at rollerblading and fear for my life at the bottom of hills. Other than that, little can be said for my day. I attempted to organize my clothes, but just posted them into different piles of mess. I threw away some school work. I read. I set a high score on a PSP game. Oh, the trivialities of being on holiday. I was soo tired for most of today for no reason at all and it was weary and sucky and grumpy.

I vaccuumed. Because I had to.

I await.

Oh, I figured out/organized driver's ed, which looks like it's going to be this huge pain in the ass.

To-Do:

• Drop off never-ending film at new photo place
• Ask people at new photo place how much it would cost to fix my light meter (I have $40 lying around, waiting to be spent)
• Decide if I want a job; apply
• Perchance do homework...
• WRITE SHORT STORY
• Make anklet? o.O
• Photograph... purposely ambiguous, note to self

I'm happiest when I'm not worried about if I'm happy or how to be happy or why we're happy or what what makes me happy or what happiness even is in the first place.

When I'm not thinking about it, it's there.

Human nature is really fucked up, in that way.

You're ridiculously happy.

You've been ridiculously sad.

Spring Break is coming up. I'm totally ready for the break, but not the school that inevitably comes after it. School is silly. There are too many tests and too much information. What if they made us learn less, but learn it better? What if we remembered what we learnt in history class all our life? I'm over it.

Second last performance of the musical tonight.

In other news, it's reallly nice outside.

July 6 - 20 are my dates. That's a full two weeks in Aus, around the beginning/middle of my summer holidays. (Which are looong.) So here's the question.

What if I brought a friend? What would that mean for the trip and would it work, at all? What would it mean to sometimes say no to her or to you guys, to spend time alone with the other? What would it mean for her to come along with us? A specific: Are you guys on holidays? Because if not you'd be at school until 3.15 everyday anyway. And I hate to break it to you but this time, in the middle of the year, you probably don't want me in your class. And I don't really want to be there if you're actually doing work. (I think.) But after school... How busy *are* you? How much time would I be spending with you regardless of her. You're in year eleven, middle of the year, maybe exams (?), I get that some of the time you might have to, you know, work. I get that. Or am I making this up to make taking her with me work?

On one hand, I'd love to take her with me. I could show her where I grew up and take her around Sydney and I'd probably see a lot more if I had someone to show around. I'd actually get out. Go to Darling Harbour and the Zoo and be somewhat of a tourist but at least *see* Sydney. (As opposed to being alone and really not caring so much to do it all on my own. Some of it, sure. But not all of it. And you guys live there.) Plus having her there means I could talk about everything I miss and she could help me with homesickness. Remind me... I don't know. I don't know. I'd love to have her come.

On the other hand, I'm there to see you, aren't I? And I don't want to have to leave her at home, or have her come along and it be awkward. (Would it be awkward?) I don't want to one day not go out to see someone because I feel I should spend more time with her. I don't want to have to do that. Plus taking her along... Is that weird? Would it be weird? I don't know.

Thoughts?

So basically the story goes I stayed out too late without informing the parents (though I felt I did, at the time...) and now my  mom doesn't trust me at all and will now drive me to and from everywhere. And if I'm ever not where I say I will be for whatever reason, I will not be able to go to tech. Which would suck.

It's half on my side and half not. My mom hates driving me places, so she's going to be really pissy the whole time. On the other hand, my  mom hates driving me places, so she's going to want to let me go places by myself asap. Plus she hates punishing her kids, so it probably/hopefully won't last long.

It's... a little bit upsetting. Not particularly. ...It was worth it? Probably. It's just tech week this coming week, so it's not like I would be doing anything outside of school anyway. I'm a little nervous that she's going to get upset when tech goes late, but I can't exactly help that. I'll just call her every five seconds.

I failed. Yeah. Well, I'm working on it.

Relaxing, sleepy, late-night conversations with someone you love are brilliant. Especially when you're babysitting sleeping children and thus getting paid (ridiculous amounts) for it.

...That felt like something Lan would say. How odd.

I need to buy myself a lighter.

The past two days have gone exactly the sane, and today isn't looking any different: Pull myself out of bed at 6.30am, get ready, get picked up (late) by my carpool and go to school. Classes, classes, classes. After school go to tech. Leave tech early, around 5pm, take an HOUR commute home (because it's rush hour, buses are slow, trains are full, traffic on the way home from metro). Get home, eat dinner, walk across the street to babysit at 6 or 6.30pm. Watch Sophie have a tantrum as her mom leaves, let the kids struggle to read to me, put them to bed, and then sit in the kitchen for several hours (not really) doing homework while their dog tries to eat or hump me.

As I said, today is looking exactly the same.

In other news, I have about a MILLION books in my room that I've bought/been given/borrowed, none of which I've read, none of which I'm currently reading. It's a little bit depressing.

Have I mentioned that I'm kind of sick? Just really congested. Bugger.

Going to school now. To take a spanish quiz and have sophomore council, but I do have an english free, so yay to that.

That is the sound of my head. This headache has been on and off since last night, it's not particularly painful, but it's definitely there and hurting my brain. I can't figure out why I have it. I would like it to go away.

This weekend feels like it was a series of waves. Mom and Dad are in Australia, so Tani's here to look after us... Not that we need it... But I haven't been home (much) AT ALL this weekend, so someone needed to be here to keep Steven sane. Tech went on forever on Friday and Saturday and then after it on Sunday we went back to Anna Jones' house and slept over until we had tech again on Monday. And then I finally went home. And here I am.

Somewhat momentous weekend for reasons above and not.

This probably means little to you all. The basic jist is that all weekend I've never been home between the hours of noon and 10pm, and sometimes not even then. I don't really mind it. More and more there is less and less for me at home. I just have no real motivation to be home much. Other than Steven and Mom, what exactly is there here for me except homework? (And my computer and my bed and my books and my plant...) Hum. I don't know. Maybe what I'm thinking is that a while ago not being home for so long would have felt weird or bad or wrong. And it doesn't now.

To-Do List

• Learn Spanish verbs
• Finish reading 'A Separate Peace'
• Do math hw and/or study
• Physics hw (not entirely necessary)
• Call back neighbour about babysitting
• Shower

I kinda hate how that is mostly school work. Oh well, story of my life. It's actually practically nothing to do. Most of it can be done during my free tomorrow.

Livejournal has gotten... more sophisticated. I approve. Obviously, I'm trying again. I've failed several times at keeping blogs. If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.

Australia, Australia, Australia, Australia, we love you. Amen. I really do miss you. Seriously. I wear the necklace ya'll gave me every day all the time and I never ever forget about you. I just suck at replying to emails and writing letters, because sometimes it's hard when life gets in the way, you know? But I really am still here. There. Wherever. ... Don't forget me?

If you don't know/haven't figured it out yet, I'm about 98% sure I'm not going/coming back to Aus. Mostly because it's too hard. It's fairly traumatizing and I love you guys to death but I'm happy here too and it's just not worth it. And I would like to think I'm missed horribly, but I know NSG lives on without me just fine. I've had this conversation/given this explanation several a time, so... It's a bit bland to me. But in case someone hadn't heard it yet.

So. That was a nice introductory post, no? Gah, I've been really weary today. Tech is starting soon, properly, which is yay!Everything but more weary. I spose the next post could intro tech to you. The private, catholic, allgirls school in which I sometimes live. Hum.